I was three years old when my mother and father seperated, didn't affect me at all. I do remember as a little girl my father coming in and out as he pleased while my mother on the other hand stressing and tolerating it. Although my parents seperated my mom would call my dad to come over when I wouldn't sleep for her, she knew I would listen to him when he told me it was time for bed. My dad was on the more immature side and still till this day is but I still love him. For years that I can remember like it was yesterday my dad picked me up in his shiny red, loud mustang to spend time with me but didn't necessarily do so, instead he picked me up half of the time, we went to my grandmothers where he was staying and he would leave me there for half of the day. By the time he came back it was time for me to go home. I never said anything that bothered me to my dad, I was afraid to because I didn't want to hurt him, but really he was hurting me.
For some reason I cared so much more about my dads feelings more than my mothers. I never talked back to my dad nor did I ever really talk to him about anything personal or things he did that bothered me emotionally, but I always said "I love you to dad" when he would say it to me. My dad used to get my hopes up for nothing almost all the time, he would say "I'm going to pick you up and bring you to big top today" , never happend. It was all the time he did that to me, so after a while I just got used to it, and he still does it to me till this day after twenty one years, I just know what's going to happen already so I dont ever get excited. It hurts knowing your father didn't realize he was hurting his own child and she hid the hurt she felt behind a smile. It got really bad as I got older and my mom didn't even want me to see him anymore but she knew how much I loved my dad as much as I had no reason to care to see him at all.
My dad started dating a woman up the street from my grandmothers and I was jealous because I felt like she was taking my dad away from me, since he had stopped picking me up as much as he had used to. I would sit looking out my window from time to time to see if his shiny red mustang would suprisingly show up in the front of my house to come get me, but never did. I missed playing with my cousins and seeing my grandmother, but like everything else I got used to it and realizing I was spending less and less time with my dad. My mom would call my grandmas looking for him, telling my grandma that I was sad and that I felt like he didn't love me anymore, but it only caused arguments and no improvements for me and my dads bonding time.
As I got into my teen years I started not caring at all whether I saw my dad or not, I was more interested in being with my friends than anything. My dad would call to get me and I already would have plans for the day. My mom told my dad "I told you that you were going to be sorry once she got older, that she isn't going to want to spend time with you anymore" and she was right. He should of been there for me first before anyone else and it was the complete opposite, he was there for the ones that didnt matter. And it left a scar on my heart the hurt that I felt how he chose to put others before his own daughter and always get my hopes up for absolutely nothing. Although I remeber everything I went thru and felt with my dad, I still love and care about him so much and I still never told him how I truely felt all these years.
hi Ashley,
ReplyDeleteThis is really sad! you are describing here what I feel like my daughter will be saying in 10 years about her father.... so I really appreciate that you've decided to cover this topic!
I like your first line- but you say "it didn't effect me at all", i think it's maybe more accurate that you were too young to notice and really feel the impact. What do you think?
I feel like maybe you could take out some unnecessary wording, like where you say " i can remember like it was yesterday". I think if you just said he picked you up in his shiny, red mustang it would be clearer. Also, you say he was immature, but don't describe it. How was he immature? Was he goofy of irresponsible?
I like your format- it's very neat and clean. you go from the past forward with a good momentum.
I think that since the focus seems to be how he has scarred you, you could talk more of the emotional outcome of his actions. I can see whats taking place, but I can't feel it as much as I would like to. Especially where you talk abt. him making promises, like going to BigTop- i think that could really be slowed down for us so we can see how disappointed and hurt you were there!
Look forward to seeing what you come up with!
-Brie
Overall I liked where your essay was going, but a reader I think I would have liked a little more detail. In my opinion you had some great starting sentences but the idea seemed to fizzle out. Expand on your ideas tell me what you were thinking and go into more detail. I really liked the repetitive use of the “shiny new mustang”. It gave me the feeling you were saying, he was more interested in his car then in how you where or how you were feeling. If that is true develop that idea!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing!